To protect our borders

Can we face it that our borders leak like a screen door on a  Los Angeles-class submarine?

We got illegals of all kinds crossing over from Mexico, bringing drugs, weapons, and God knows what else along with them.  As you'll eventually see from my books, this leaky border helps bring us down.  And by "us" I mean "U.S."  But as I've told you time and again, Jake Timber's here to stop all that.  These are my log entries from my trip to the border last week:

0120
I headed out to the border.  It was cold, fair amount of snow on the ground.  Didn't matter none.  Had my winter fatigues on.  Gortex-lined boots kept my feet all toasty warm.  Set my bivouac up with a campfire for my kettle.  Ate my soup straight out of a heated can.

0212
I called Nichols on my scrambled sat phone.  Figured I'd get that pansy-ass to take down my log entries for the night.  It'd make a good blog post and he could make himself useful for a change.  Anyway, he got all bitchy with me, saying that I woke him up at 2am.  So I ended up writing it all out myself.  I ask you, folks.  What's he good for?

0242
Saw my first car.  A Suburu Outback.  I held my hand up and the driver stopped.  He skidded a bit, made me wonder what was with his brakes, but it being a foreign car I should've known.  I asked for his ID papers.  He seemed real puzzled-like.  Then I think he saw my suppressed M4 slung across my front and he got the picture real fast.  The license said he lived nearby.  Looked normal enough so I let him go.

0311
All's quiet.  Too quiet.  I jumped back and forth across the border.  I was in one place, then another, then back, and then back again.  Just shows to go you how easy it is to do.  Take a moment.  Say a prayer to Our Lord for our country.

0337
Saw my second car.  A pickup truck.  A big one.  No matter.  I once stopped a fully-armored Humvee with a spoon.  Anyway, this driver?  Looked kinda...well...Mexican.  Got him out of the truck and I told him I had to search it.  I took everything apart.  I mean everything.  Even the engine.  Didn't find much.  He got kinda pissy with me when I confiscated his insulin, but I needed something for the effort.

0412
I farted.

0445
Saw my third car.  A minivan.  This guy had two kids asleep in the back, telling me he's on the way to day care and then work. A likely story, but you can never be too sure.  Illegals smuggle all kinds of crap under what looks like a completely innocent family.  Went through the van with a fine tooth comb (which if you've smelled the floor of any vehicle that transports small kids...well, it was rough.  All I can say about it.)  Couldn't find anything except for a McNugget that the dad said must've been "about two weeks old." I confiscated their bag of animal crackers...and the McNugget.  

0455
Cops!  They wouldn't understand.  They're in the pocket of the Obama administration.  I'm not getting my face and prints in the system so I bugged out.  I evaded the squad car and left the outskirts of Beaverville.

Oh yeah, it was the border between Indiana and Illinois.  Forgot to tell you that.

But that doesn't change nothing.  Any unsecured border is a threat to our national security, to American values, and maybe even honor itself.  If you saw how easy it was to cross between Indiana and Illinois then it just might wake your lazy, apathetic, un-patriotic ass up.

Maybe.