Top Ten "Bromances" and immigration "reform"

So I've been thinkin'...

I recently tried to secure our borders.

Yeah, yeah, how was I supposed to know it was the border between Illinois and Indiana?  My navigational systems got all fouled up, one thing led to another, and...anyway...

There's all these new laws I've found out about.  Laws that really put a crimp in protecting our borders if you know what I mean.  So I've had to formulate a new idea...

I ride a unicycle across the barren border while wearing a glow-in-the-dark mask of Nancy Pelosi, all while wailing "WAHHHHHHHHHH!"  I mean that's got to be speaking the universal language of terror, right?  That face comin' at you live in the pitch dark of the desert?  Would scare the hell out of me, tell you what boy.

What else?  Oh yeah...

While I'm against any kind of romantic funny business between men (read your Bible a little closer if you're still confused why), is it wrong to have a strong admiration for a guy?  To want to spend long hours with him, drinking beers or building log cabins together?  Or rolling around on the floor together, wrestling each other like a couple of platonic Vikings?  Yeah that's what I mean.  It's what the kids these days call a "bromance." Well here's a few guys that get Jake's stamp of approval:

1. Charlton Heston.  On here as tribute.  Still crying.
2. Christian Bale.  He, he falls into the "geek squad" camp a bit with Nichols, but that ain't Bale's fault.
3. Bear Grylls.  I'd go camping with him any day.  I mean that totally not in the gay way.
4. Joel Osteen.  Inspirational prayer, that winning smile...
5. Charlie Sheen.  He made Two and a Half Men, but he was also a Navy SEAL.
6. R. Lee Ermey.  The Gunney!
7. Brett Favre.  Come back to Green Bay.  Just one more season.
8. Jackie Chan.  Yeah, he's a foreigner.  But I want him right next to me in a close quarters fight any day.
9. That guy married to Scarlet Johansson.  Cozy up to him to get in the door so when things go wrong...Jake's there.
10. Don Rickles.  'Nuff said.