Teaching Nichols about the apocalypse

So I broke into Nichols' house again this morning.

Scared him so bad he spilt milk all himself.

See, the homo was sitting on the couch in his jammies and watching cartoons while eating a bowl of Cap'n Crunch.  I slapped him on the forehead for it but regretted it pretty damn fast.  He felt sticky.  I hated to ask why, but I did.

"It's marmalade," he said.

I sat myself down and started watching cartoons with him...except it wasn't any one I recognized.

"It's Thundarr the Barbarian," Nichols says.

The cartoon's about this guy (a cool and manly guy) who lives in a post-apocalyptic future.  Apparently, a runaway planet "hurtled between the Earth and the Moon, unleashing cosmic destruction."  This guy Thundarr travels the wasteland with Ookla the Mok (whatever he is) and Princess Ariel (who is a hottie!  For a cartoon, I mean.)  They fight wizards trying to rule over the scraps and rabble of humanity.

Man, it was like the story of my life.

Except the apocalypse wasn't no cartoon.  Neither is the war for the future.  I wondered if Nichols had this in mind.  So I asked him if this was his idea of a post-apocalyptic world.

"Pretty much," he said.

And this is the guy writing my books?  Hooo-boy.

Sos I ask him if he had any other ideas what the end of society might be like.

He shows me comic books.  Of course.

One's called Kamandi.  It's about a young kid (who still looks manlier than Nichols) surviving in an Earth that's suffered a catastrophic disaster.  People are reduced to savage barbarians but all the animals are intelligent and evolved.

Geez, it's PETA's wet dream.  Gimme a steak.

Then he shows me one about a guy called "Killraven."  He's muscular and manly (I'm noticing a trend here and I'm likin' it) guy in an Earth rendered a post-apocalyptic wasteland by a Martian invasion.  Yeah, very same Martians as in that book by Orson Welles.  Anyway, Killraven leads a band of human freedom fighters against the oppression of the Martians.

I like the sound of that, but I'm wondering something.  Does Nichols think the apocalypse is all fun and games like a cartoon or a comic book?

"What about a game like Gamma World?" he asks me.

I don't even know what the hell kinda geek shit that is so I don't respond.

Instead, I teach him a lesson.  If he's going to be prepared for the war of the future, he needs to know how to survive.  He needs to know how to adapt.  So I left his house.

But not after I took his Thundarr DVDs.  He'll have to follow the scavanger hunt clues to find them again.  I left notes in the crisper of his fridge (not a vegetable anywhere near there), at the bottom of his toilet bowl, one taped to the ceiling of his boss' office, and finally one in the hands of the Jesus statue in his college's grotto (where I paused to kneel and offer a prayer for Nichols' wimpy soul.)

It'll take him weeks to find it.  Hell, he could use a little fun.  And it'll be good for him too.

Mostly.